Professional Peefer

zelllda:

Who you should fight: DMC edition

Dante:
Who wins: You
He may have demonic strength and a crazy set of weapons but in reality he’s just super lazy. He’ll probably taunt you a bit and make you angry however he probably wouldn’t even get out of his chair or open his eyes. You win by default. But touch his pizza and that’s a whole different story.

Trish:
Who wins: Trish
She looks like Dante’s beautiful and kind mommy, but she’s got looks that can kill. She seems human but hell hath no fury like a demon woman. She’ll crush you with her 6 inch Gucci heeled boots, take your money, and then drive off on her motorcycle to buy more Gucci. One touch from her and you’ll look like you just stuck a fork inside a toaster.

Lady:
Who wins: Lady
Do you really want to fight her? She may look small and cute, but she carries around a huge bazooka and probably 847263 other weapons, plus her crazy gymnast skills. And even without her weapons she could kick your ass. She got those scars for a reason.

Nero:
Who wins: You
Although he looks like a punk on the outside, one the inside he is softer than fresh out of the dryer laundry. Yes he’s inhumanly strong and has destroyed a giant false savior with a single punch but honestly he could never hurt you. He’d feel bad and probably apologize.

Vergil:
Who wins: Vergil
NO. NO. NO.
DO NOT FIGHT VERGIL.